Dear little ones,
Mother’s Day is coming. I don’t need flowers or a card I just need to look upon the 3 of you and see my gifts.
You are not so little anymore. How did that happen? How did you happen? I wished for you and worked hard to bring you physically here with me. But you really brought yourselves. You are so different from each other and from me yet I see so much of myself in you.
Do you know how scary it was, how scary it continues to be to have the profound responsibility of raising you and keeping you safe? It’s the most frightening thing I will ever do but it gives me more courage and strength than I ever thought was possible. My instinct is to shelter you from sadness and pain but I fight that instinct knowing that it is important for you to feel it all, experience it all and then learn to let it go.
You have taught me to be an example and sometimes I fall short but find comfort in knowing I can talk it through with you and the lesson can become what “not” to do. You have seen me at my worst and my best so far and yet you still love me. You cheer me on and hold me up. You also challenge me and try my patience and there are moments when I dream of the time when I had no little lives to care for and just my own. But then there you are and I don’t ever want anything different.
I am your mother but each of you is also a mother. It doesn’t matter if you are boys or a girl. You have cared for me and each other and people in the world. You have compassion and empathy and a deep capacity to nurture and hold space. Whether you have your own children someday or not you are the embodiment of mother. If you look around you will find many people of all genders and with or without children of their own who are mothers. If that sounds weird to say to you it won’t be the first time. Just take it in and know it.
Do you know that when I drop you off at school every day, I fight the urge to bring you home and keep you near? Do you know that when you are home with me sometimes I long for a school bus to come and take you back and let someone else deal with things I don’t feel like handling?
Do you know that your “growing up” hurts my soul on a deep level creating waves of loneliness in anticipation of when you begin your own lives without me? But yet the moment you were born this process began.
Do you know that your “growing up” is exciting and fascinating and makes me so proud? I can’t wait to see what’s next but don’t rush it!
Do you know that I hate being the one who says “NO?” But NO comes with the job and NO creates safety and structure and boundaries and you need to learn that NO is okay.
Do you know what I truly wish for you?
I wish for you to experience loving relationships and many many moments of joy and an ability to roll with the punches.
I wish for you to love yourselves more than anyone and to take care of your body and mind and to always know that you are enough.
I wish for you to know that everything changes so what is up one day may be down the next. What feels like the end of the world will not stay that way. I promise.
I wish for you to know that you are always “seen” you are always “heard” and you are always unconditionally loved. Whatever comes up I’ve got your back. And I know you have mine.
Mother’s Day is just a day but this year I am taking a moment to step on the breaks and acknowledge what it is for me to be your mother.
Happy Mother’s Day little ones….